I Run

Ok. so Taylor dropped an album about a month ago (ay ay ay). As a good cookie cutter white girl, you all HAD to know this post was coming. ACTUALLY, this post is like the most spur of the moment I've done in a while. Those often turn out to be my best posts. So we will see, maybe starting off with telling you about the new Swiftie cd was a weak start, maybe I've already lost half of my readers.

Well I have been thinking a lot about boys, because, whether or not I like it, some boys have had quite an influence. I'm just gonna shake it off. Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break.

I do tend to run. I run when I can't handle boy things.

So let me take you through a journey. We'll call it 'exhibit A.' Most of my coworkers will not be surprised when I say I was more than a little bit infatuated with the night manager at my latest job. I use the word infatuated because I was completely aware that we were not compatible on basically any level, and I say 'more than a little bit' because I worked late nights and did not have much else to occupy my mind. I won't describe the nature of our relationship not because it was scandalous, but because I tend to have very awkward, difficult-to-explain relationships of ANY kind with boys I fancy. Basically it's just not worth mentioning, and yet HERE I AM.

The context of this story is that I was leaving. I was leaving my amazing coworkers because I was leaving the state. I was moving across the country for...for many reasons. Bad coworkers were NOT one of those reasons. 
So this was literally the last time I am ever gonna see this guy in my whole life. The interaction went splendidly.
 I sheepishly approach him, he's dutifully doing his job, stocking shelves or something manly like that. He had his dolly-cart with him. (I call it that because I don't know what else to call it: but it's important to note that it had a bar to push it)
So we said our goodbyes, which were less awkward than I thought they would be, he even gave me a hug. A nice hug too. Hugs mean a lot to me because well, I'm a hugger, and I'm also tall, which can make hugging a challenge at times.
 This was not one of those times, the mans taller than me. 
Well, maybe.
 Also maybe this hug wasn't a good idea because it got me even more nervous. We begin to walk down the [bread] aisle together (wow that escalated right?), and as he's pushing his dolly, I place my hand on the bar as well. I do this because, you know, it's occupying both our walking space, and we are walking and talking together, casually, super casually and I'm so smooth. Moments like these hand placement is everything, but I was trying way too hard to be so casual that I accidentally place my hand DIRECTLY on top of his hand that's pushing the dolly. This is when all my smoothness is thrown out the window and my mind bursts. From what I can remember, I stuttered out a breathy apology and started RUNNING. I bolted, no doubt in front of the dolly as he's pushing it. I think, I THINK, I sought solace in my female coworker. And by seeking solace I mean I ran to her as fast as I could from where I was with the man, and 'hid' behind her, disregarding the fact I'm about 7 inches taller than her. That's the story of how I never became the salt to his pepper.  

This concludes exhibit A. I have a feeling that I've already shared this in one of my posts, so sorry if you just had to read it twice.
I have many other examples like this, but I am not super eager to prove my point further. Because the point is just that I run. They are the hunters we are the foxes. And we run. Except there is not we. There is just a me. I run. I always run.

I ran.

So here I am, exactly one month from returning to the States. I am fully aware upon my arrival, break time is over. I am unemployed and currently seeking work in my area, a tiresome phrase.

As far as my emotional and mental state go, I have good days and bad days but the good days are outweighing the bad. Three months ago, I would have said the opposite.

On the good days I am excited to go back and start over in Florida. I'm excited to be a part of my family there. I have an opportunity to be a cousin, niece, granddaughter, and "aunty" to a whole set of people I've always just known OF my whole life.

 On bad days I hate that I called it quits in California and I wish - with everything in me - that I could have taken the bad with all the good. I hate that I had to leave the ones that it was all working with. It honestly keeps me up at night (it's midnight while I'm writing this) and causes my heart so much grief. I constantly think "oh gosh if I could just have gotten over myself it could have been so good"
Yes, it could have.
 I have to accept that I wasn't strong enough. Some day I might be, and when that day arrives, I will know what to do.

I hope to reach a point when I can look back not with sadness for things lost but with joy for what has been. Some day, but we are not out of the woods yet.

The terrifying journey

Yes, I'm talking about driving in a third world country. I know that it is not limited to the country I am in as I can not imagine that there are not a hundred other countries with drivers as crazy as they are out here. "Third-world" or not, I acknowledge the fact that I am not alone.
This year is my third time out here, so I knew what to expect. The first time I visited my family had only been here nine months and so they rather expected for me to be shocked. By the next year, however, they were completely unaccustomed to the "normal" way of driving, as they had fully adopted the new normal. All this means is that when I would gasp and shriek as we were driving a long they whipped their head around to me, perturbed at my outburst. It took them some time to realize that I was not used to what I was seeing and experiencing on the roads of this crazy big city they live in. By my third visit (my time here now) I've learned to keep my mouth shut for the most part. That is until now.
I've quickly discovered how much lanes are taken for granted in the States. Here, lanes are guidelines here. No, actually, lanes are just laughable pointless lines on the road. There is no such thing as a safe lane change here, because you kind of just drift from one side of the road to the other, if your bumper is ahead of theirs, you have the right of way. If you're on the losing end, you better move out the way or else you will get bumped out of the way and cursed at while doing so.
Now I will talk about intersections. All intersections, slow or busy in America have stop lights, turning lanes, even lights for turning lanes, and you have to be stupid to not know which lane you are suppose to be turning into. Here you have to be stupid to think you know which lane you will be turning into, or even from. You have to turn left, but you are in the far right lane of a three, four car wide street? No problem, DO AS YOU PLEASE! I live in a huge metropolis, so I can't say what it is like in the more rural areas of the region. We do have busy intersections with adequate stop lights. However, if the intersecting crossroads are in any way NOT major, it's a free for all. How do you turn then? Well, you drive out IN TO THE MIDDLE OF TRAFFIC, and wait. If it's possible, you may try to keep out of the way of oncoming traffic, from both your front and your back, but if that's not an option, well then it's not an option and traffic must go around you or stop until oncoming cars lend you an opportunity to make your desired turn.
Trucks and buses terrify me in the States. Why? Well, for starters I do not like things being bigger than me. That includes people too, if I'm being honest. Then take the fact that I do not enjoy driving, and the idea of the automobile is kind of scary to me. How many tons of machinery driving HOW FAST? Well, trucks and buses here follow the same rules as all cars: there are no rules. In fact, there's only one rule for class C drivers out here, and that is that when you see a bus or a truck YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY. All you can do is pray that you are not in their blind spot when they decide to turn, merge, or swerve just to give the common man a jolt. They reign supreme on the wild streets of this city and they know it.
Drivers. Now I must tread lightly on this ground. Why? Because I understand that people who drive in this country are reading this. Take what you are about to read with this in mind: I have and will only ever be a passenger in this country. I will never trust myself enough to drive in this country. I do not wish to invalidate any ones skill as a driver in these parts. Crazy as they may be, in some odd way they are probably some of the best drivers I know. Why? Because driving here is A WAR ZONE. I respect the struggle, but I do not wish to join it, because as I said before, they are crazy. It's every man for himself out their and every one insane enough to get on the road knows it. Defensive drivers are non existent.
My favorite part about drivers here is just one hand gesture. What is it? Well, they simply raise their open palmed hand in the air. This? This pardons all wrong doing. Someone is cutting you off at the round about? No worries, they raised their hand. All is forgiven. A moped is driving down the highway the wrong way? Hand up? It's forgotten. Pedestrians join this game too! They weave their way through traffic the same as cars. You're about to hit the gas but someone steps out right in front of you. Well they've not only raised their hand but placed the other one on their chest, this basically means you two are chums now. Like you've shared some sort of experience and the bond can not be broken. He crosses safely to the other side and you have the illusion that you have a new best friend. Forget the fact that you almost killed him and he's totally at fault. Crosswalks exist but the value of them should, at this point of my post, be understood.
As fast as my heart has beat and as sweaty as I may get just being an eternal passenger in this crazy city I would not change this experience for anything. I am just about halfway through my extended stay here, and I'm still alive and uninjured. Lord willing the next two months, I will not have to recant this testimony. 

Permission to live

I was 21 and 1/2 when I graduated college. I'd been in school since I could walk (almost literally I was a very late walker, some of you aren't surprised. Most of you aren't surprised.) What this means is that up until 21 years of age I have had people telling me what to do. I had a set of boundaries put up either by myself or by others that, as long as I operated within those boundaries, I could do any thing. School, classes, schedule. That was my life. That's what it was built around for me. This may sound silly to those of you who know I was not a very good student and only really enjoyed the social aspect of school. But at least when people asked me what I was doing with my life I could say with confidence "oh, I'm a student." That's always been my identity. 
So here I am, a year and a half after closing the chapter in my life called "formal studies". Now what? CAN SOME ONE PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT I AM SUPPOSE TO BE DOING WITH MY LIFE? Right now I'm living with my parents again, jobless, hoping to gain an answer to that question. As students, we have it pounded into our head that a high paying or fulfilling career is what we must do with our lives. Ok teachers and grad students, please don't get your panties in a bunch. I know I'm not the only one who feels like this is the standard set for me as a college grad. Just let me have my say. 
What about those of us who'd rather jump off a bridge than enroll in another semester of classes and spend another hundred dollars on books that the teacher may or may not use? What about those of us who did not "hear" the "calling"? What about those of us who do not feel drawn to a certain "career"? What about those of us who aren't even sure of all the gifts and talents we possess? What about us? What about me?
I can't speak for every one but I'm certainly going to speak for me. No one on this earth can tell me what the standards are that I need to be living by. I plan on spending the rest of my life, my time (back in my parents house)here included, finding what makes me fulfilled. I set my goals. My life is going to look different than any body else, because, just like you, I'm an individual. I may not have any of the answers I want right now, but I'm only 23. So this is me ridding myself of the people that tell me  I am worth less than what I am. This is me shaking off the lies, the false standards, breaking the walls, ready to live my life. 

I'll be the first to say that I've been a whiny spoiled little brat but the jokes over. It's not cute or funny any more. It never was. It's lame and stupid. Sure sometimes life sucks and it was rough, but that's the past. I plan on returning to my new home at the start of the new year, hitting the ground running, or walking, if that's what I choose. But it is after all, MY choice. I plan on using this time and distance to gain objectivity and a better perspective. I hope to transform the negatives to positives. The search for my purpose and my identity continues. It is intimidating but also new and exciting. 

Why

There are some people in this world who relocate destination oriented (leaving strictly for bigger and better things) and there are some who relocate because they must leave something behind (escaping...unpleasantries). There's a bit of a build up here because you must understand my frame of mind if you are going to understand the rest of this post. I fall into both sides of this "relocation spectrum" [i don't know if spectrum is the correct word exactly but I hope you get it]. There's a lot that I am going to have to leave out of this post, but it's my blog and I am the writer and editor so deal. And just because I leave it out does not mean it's not playing a major part in my decision making. 

One more topic I must preface this with is that I am independent. I believe I am independent in the truest sense of the word. Right now I've been holding down a "nine to five" job [3-12 job for those who know me] for about a year. I clock in and clock out and I do NOT have to bring my job home with me. No strings attached there. I have no boyfriend, husband, or kids. I debated just now whether to "get in" to the details of the topic of "boys" but I would not be able to stop so I'm going to try to breeze by this and keep going, and maybe hit that  point later. I have minimal commitments in serving, at church and in the community, some by choice, some not. [As of late I see how this has been a good thing as I am about to leave but another part of me knows that I am afraid of commitment because that means I would have to stay] Not too many strings attached there. I've got no strings on me I'm feeling fancy free. Except that I'm not. I am not sure if my resisting these strings has been a good thing (can we say twenty something with a fear of commitment, I'm a cookie cutter, really). With me I know the possibilities are endless, nothing is permanent and even though I can't wait to get out of here, if it's God's will to bring me back here, well then that's still on the table (I've learned to never say never because that's exactly how I ended up back here). I know that even as I write this God could still put something in my path that changes all my plans. That's just where I'm at right now, everything is temporary, nothing is settled.

So enough of that, here we go. 

Destination oriented: 

1) My two younger siblings were both quite young when I up and left for college, and they were not much older when  they moved overseas. So I am ceasing this opportunity to spend at least a few months actually being their big sister. I am excited to see the people they are becoming.

~~For those who do not know, my tentative plan is to finish out the remainder of the year (August through at least December) with my parents, sisters and brother overseas. Upon my return to the States, I have some family on the East Coast I plan to live with. 'Tentative' is a very important word when used in the same sentence as 'plan' in my life, because if you have not noticed by now I really have no idea what direction my life is taking. It's a rather exhausting place to be in life. ~~

2) Living back in my parents household is not going to be easy as I have been out from under their roof for quite a few years now. I know also that adult children at home is especially tricky when those parents are still in the process of raising two other children. This being said, I know it's going to be a growing opportunity for me. I know the Lord has blessed me with two of the wisest people as parents and I am excited to have them physically present to speak into my life again. And also hugs. You don't understand the value of parental hugging until you go a full year without it. Don't pretend like you know my struggle.

3) The world. I have been blessed in being born into somewhat of an international family. A family that knows there is a world beyond the borders of the county. I am so excited to see the world. I am excited to spend some time, no matter how long that may or may not be, in another country, on a different continent. Even with the language barrier, I have been raised to know how vital it is to experience other cultures. With a family lineage like mine, how can I not travel? That's not to say that my unsettled state might not get tiresome some time from now. Like I said, nothing in my life is really permanent. And I'm not saying my family's way is the only way. Maybe some sense of regional stability rooted in my family would have done me some good, who knows? (inquirers get lost somewhere between England, Ethiopia, Morocco, and Santa Barbara. So i don't know if you really want to know about my family)

Leaving behind:

1) This thing that I can't even talk about.. I wish I could say that I was in a different place in my attitude towards all of "this" but I'm not. Most everyone would scoff at my continual struggle with any of this - on any level - this far down the road. But, I am not most people and this is an extremely difficult situation that I have allowed myself to continue in for much (x 1000000000) too long and I'm emotionally drained, to put it lightly. My fragile naive hurting little heart, unfortunately, has never known what a white flag is so I can't even pretend to know what "surrender" is going to look like in this current (yes, current) situation. I'm afraid that's all I can write on the matter. Pray for me.

2) Insecurities. Insecurities that stem from hurt that I was never able to process or deal with. Don't get me wrong, I am more than grateful for everything EVERYONE here has done for me not only this past year but my whole life. I am so blown away by the beauty of some hearts I've come to know this last year. On the real, there's a select PRECIOUS few that I WILL cry over having to leave behind. MOST people the Lord has put in my life during my stay have done EVERY THING they could to love and accept me. But for me (with some), it was just never enough and I realize now it's never going to be enough and that is not healthy. I tend to blame myself because my affections (not boy-affections, just general) were misplaced. My expectation of what certain relationships needed to look like were not reality and will never be reality. I realize that now; I also realize that insecurity is personal and no one else is truly to blame. Whatever was meant to be has been. If I do not find security in what really matters, then these same insecurities will be waiting for me no matter where I am. It's time now for me to step out of my current situation, there's nothing more I'm expecting to gain. 

3) Debt. Right at this moment the hurt is so real that it is difficult for me to see the lessons the Lord has been teaching me in my time back. So I'm going to focus on the practical positives of what I have done in my time here. I HAVE PAID OFF MY STUDENT LOANS IN FULL. My final check posted about one month after my one year graduation anniversary. I know how monumental this is but it has not sunk in yet and I don't think it truly will until get out there to explore all the doors that are NOT closed on me BECAUSE I am debt free. What I am leaving behind a LABORIOUS job that has allowed me to knock out my loans quickly. The biggest blessing in the cruelest disguise. I worked at a tiny grocery store. I do not hesitate leaving this job but I do hesitate leaving the community. The way I was able to bless and be blessed by some of my regulars is something I'll carry with me my entire life. The same and more can be said about my coworkers. I am going to miss SO MUCH all the amazing, broken, beautiful people, just like me - that I had the pleasure of working alongside. 

I'll be 23 at the end of the summer.  My 22nd year of life is not something that I would repeat EVEN IF YOU PROMISED ME A LIFETIME OF HAPPINESS WITH A DANCING DARK MOCHA BOY WITH DIMPLES. Well, maybe if he had dimples, when it comes to dimples I just can't. Anyway I hope to one day look back on this year of life and NOT cringe and be able to look past all the bad that happened and just look at the gold nuggets. Right now however, I am not feeling 22, not in any way. Sorry Taylor. Go away. No don't tswift you're an inspiration to tall girls everywhere I kind of love you.

In conclusion, I do not want this to come across as me being a whiny unsatisfied brat who does not see everything I have been given since moving back. I want to just thank everyone who has worked overtime to make sure I did not completely lose it, and who made sure I was well loved and fed on any holiday and any days in between. I am looking forward to bigger and better things which as of this moment I KNOW can not be found here. This place will always be home, and when all is said and done, and in the grand scheme of my life I know it will be only good times remembered. 

Some of you know that I have been "going through something" lately. I hate obscurity of this phrase but given the broadness of my audience I thought it best not to be completely transparent. Fewer of you know that I've been literally sick to my stomach about this "something"I am not going into much detail if any about what is going because those of you who know are the ones that need to know, discretion is key.

Why are you sharing about it then, Mariah? 

Because right now I am trying to claw out of the depths that I fell into and I need to share about what has helped me. Breaking it down to the core issue is healthy and necessary for me, because I am both a thinker and a communicator. 

What's a thinker? 

Well, I process things, just because I am physically somewhere does not necessarily my mind is completely present. Some of you may have noticed this. I'll be in a social situation and you see me just staring off into space. This means that I am a million miles from where my physical body is, thinking about something else. Also I analyze. This goes along with being a thinker. My mind is always on, I am extremely observant of others behaviors, too often this is a fault. Living in the moment is a gift that I am not so good at taking advantage of. 

What is a communicator? 

Well, for me it means that if I can not communicate to some one else what it is I am dealing with it drives me crazy. Articulate. TI liked this word. Yes, TI the rapper. Communication, as a set of college courses anyway, mixes quite often with Psychology, refer to above paragraph. Articulation of my situation is important because if I can not articulate what it is I am going through I believe what I am going through is not valid. Assigning a reason for everything, maybe its partly scientific as well. 

The 'problem' is something I thought I could deal with THIS TIME AROUND by conducting a preemptive strike. By assuming certain truths, and operating in this reality that I had created for myself I could avoid the hurt, or beat the hurt to the punch. I was discussing this issue with one of my gal pals she raised a good point in that I was trying to meddle in something that I really have no idea or any control over - the future. The assumptions I have been making, as true and legitimate as I hold them to be are still just that, assumptions. No, at the end of it all none of it even matters. The real key to solving this problem is surrender. It all gets whittled down to an issue of pride.  I can not know what the future holds and I was trying to coordinate and predict it. How dare I! I serve a risen Savior! I serve the God of the universe. He is the maker of the stars and he KNOWS the plans he has for me. How dare I go about worrying and fretting like I was just another lost soul in the world. No. I must return to my FIRST and ONLY love. I must live the life of daily surrender. Yes, I hate even admitting that I am dealing with this struggle but never the less I am.  I STILL am. I wish and have prayed the God take it away, because honestly it is exhausting, and exceedingly more so as time marches on. If I am meant to let it go than God will take it away. If I am meant to stand up and face it then God will give me the words and the opportunity. But it is in God's providence that I must have faith, and continue the DISCIPLINE of DAILY surrender. I must have the appropriate view of myself as to know that I am not above grace -accepting that Jesus takes me and loves me where I am and for what I am. And what I am is well and truly broken and in desperate need of his love and strength.

I realized my poignant reality with the help of none other than one of my favorite artist Jars of Clay. Here are the lyrics to "World's Apart" aka my anthem: 

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

It may or may not be true that I was sobbing to this song driving down the freeway as this song came on one rather unfortunate evening. 

OK, so how do I wrap this one up? All I can do is just ask for prayer and continue focus on day to day living. Each day we are living is all that we are promised and each day of life is a gift. What can you do about your struggles in the day? Better yet, I call you to turn your attention outward and ask how you can bless others? There are no accidental interactions in life. Are you going to build others up or bring them down?

 Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is it's own struggle." 

I work at a grocery store

Plan A was to leave after preforming my maid of honor duties at the best friends wedding. It's true that I don't know what I am doing here but same goes for any where. So here I am, 22, trying to establish some roots, what ever that is going to look like. I still have days where I am a just a few computer clicks away from buying a one way ticket to Florida or Morocco and never looking back. Any hows, you didn't come to hear about me blabbing about my life in general again, today I'm a bit more specific.
I work at a grocery store.
 It's a small grocery store, so I have my regulars, as would be expected in a town as small as mine. These are some customers worth discussing.
I have that customer who is very verbal and awkward with his obsession with my hair. The first comment was borderline. He tells me what nice hair I have and I say "thanks it's kind of a mess because I just washed it and threw it up in a pony." He then unfortunately chose to continue "it would probably look fine even when I had just woken up." and THEN he says "It would probably look good even after you've rolled around in the mud." Thus ended the first regrettable conversation. If that was not a border crossing than this next one surely crossed the border like [insert stereotypical politically charged reference here]. No joke, here it is, you ready? And I quote "If you weren't so young and beautiful I'd say lets scalp you and mount your hair up as a wall piece." I timidly explain that I normally try to distance myself from scalping activity, because WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY? WHERE COULD I POSSIBLY GO WITH THAT STATEMENT OR EVEN RESPOND???  Praise the Lord that the transaction went quickly and I was rid of him but not before he muttered "it wouldn't hurt that much" Luckily this customer really doesn't come through too often, at least on my shift, but he is unfortunately memorable.

I have a few homeless men and women who frequent my store. The man I am going to tell you about I will refer to as Joe (guys his name is not Joe). Joe has a crush on me. Joe comes into the store a few times every day, sometimes going through my line, sometimes not. Joe is probably in his late thirties. Joe gets bashful whenever I acknowledge him. He blushes and smiles and gets all fidgety when I look at him. It's like I'm his second grade crush or something. The state of Joe's mental health is something I am not sure of and before you think he's creepy he's not. Well, there's a possibility that he is but that's not how I see it. It's refreshing. He doesn't cross any lines. He always tries to impress me, coming up with a new answer to the question "how are you doing" every time he sees me. Last night it was "oh I'm just a kid with a dream." I like think it makes his day when he can get a laugh out of me.  Maybe I'm reading it all wrong but maybe it's just nice to have a guy not hide how he feels about me. All I'm saying is that it's nice to know there may still be guys out there that will let their feelings show. It's innocent and maybe even vulnerable but that is a refreshing thing to see from a guy.

My favorite is when customers asks me for permission to go do something. It's like once they have committed to my check out line I AM THEIR lORD. "can I run go get something I forgot the mayo?" It's like, what can I POSSIBLY say? My verbal response? "I can't  stop you" my mental response is what I really feel "ugh you chump you better be back by the time your items reach the front of the belt or ima be MAD." Because honestly peoples, if I said "no" you all would just laugh at my funny joke and go any ways.

My other favorite is the broad spectrum of questions I'm supposed to know the answers to. Because as an employee of this grocery store I am certainly not human but I am indeed a robot who can process correct price differences at the drop of a hat, know all the employees schedules by heart, know the price of every product in the entire store, and also know the exact date and times of all the truck deliveries, and what specifically is in those trucks. I want to say:  "Miss, do you ever see me leave this check stand? No, I'm in the check stand for literally eight hours a day and never really go any where else in the store. Except the break room, and the bathroom. If you would like to know where those are I would be happy to direct you, and while I may be a lord over this check stand right now I am not omnipotent." Here's the kicker though, if I don't provide a satisfactory answer, 9 out of 10 times they just STAND THERE LOOKING AT ME.  When this happens I have to have a plan of attack which I have yet to formulate. maybe I should STOP whatever it is I am doing (which is checking, ALWAYS checking), point my entire body towards them, and give them cross eyes until they walk away. What will this accomplish? NOTHING! But it will give me and probably some of my coworkers a good laugh.

Now sharing time is over and it's time for you to take some advice, because we all shop.
1. 15 items or less. Please don't come through the express line with 16 items, or 30, if you're so far deceived. And believe me, plenty of people are so far deceived. Ideally, you'd come through express with three items tops, as that is all there is room for in the express lane. Stupid express lane. I don't like it. I say it's because it's too small for my wingspan (tall girl reference) but really it's because chumps come through with too many items. So please, 15 items, and ideally, much less.
2. You know those nice hand baskets the store provides for your shopping convenience? Well, just because it's small enough to fit on the belt doesn't excuse you from UNLOADING IT YOURSELF. If some shopper with a full sized cart full of groceries rolled through and expected me to unload it AND check all the items you'd think them a little absurd wouldn't you? Well, if you don't where I am going with this then you probably leave your items in the basket. Shame on you.
3. It's really uncanny the number of customers that forget their wallets. To me, that's a little bit like walking out the door and going to work without your pants on. I mean seriously. I wish I was joking when I tell you all that the other day I had three customers in the span of a half hour forget their wallets. If you forget your wallet then you're the worst. Please don't forget that YOU must be the one to provide payment for YOUR food at the time YOU chose to enter my line. Please just put your pants on - I mean, remember your wallet.

That's all for now - take it or leave it, what do I know anyways - I work at a grocery store.



* disclaimer: I really like my job. Like I tell all my customers: I like it because I get to talk to a hundred people a day and each one of them has no choice but to listen to me. On the real though, even if it's not what I see myself doing for the next ten years it has really helped me to knock out my student loans, which at this date are CLOSE to being paid off, ALL PRAISE TO GOD with His great love and mercy.