Plan A was to leave after preforming my maid of honor duties at the best friends wedding. It's true that I don't know what I am doing here but same goes for any where. So here I am, 22, trying to establish some roots, what ever that is going to look like. I still have days where I am a just a few computer clicks away from buying a one way ticket to Florida or Morocco and never looking back. Any hows, you didn't come to hear about me blabbing about my life in general again, today I'm a bit more specific.
I work at a grocery store.
It's a small grocery store, so I have my regulars, as would be expected in a town as small as mine. These are some customers worth discussing.
I have that customer who is very verbal and awkward with his obsession with my hair. The first comment was borderline. He tells me what nice hair I have and I say "thanks it's kind of a mess because I just washed it and threw it up in a pony." He then unfortunately chose to continue "it would probably look fine even when I had just woken up." and THEN he says "It would probably look good even after you've rolled around in the mud." Thus ended the first regrettable conversation. If that was not a border crossing than this next one surely crossed the border like [insert stereotypical politically charged reference here]. No joke, here it is, you ready? And I quote "If you weren't so young and beautiful I'd say lets scalp you and mount your hair up as a wall piece." I timidly explain that I normally try to distance myself from scalping activity, because WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY? WHERE COULD I POSSIBLY GO WITH THAT STATEMENT OR EVEN RESPOND??? Praise the Lord that the transaction went quickly and I was rid of him but not before he muttered "it wouldn't hurt that much" Luckily this customer really doesn't come through too often, at least on my shift, but he is unfortunately memorable.
I have a few homeless men and women who frequent my store. The man I am going to tell you about I will refer to as Joe (guys his name is not Joe). Joe has a crush on me. Joe comes into the store a few times every day, sometimes going through my line, sometimes not. Joe is probably in his late thirties. Joe gets bashful whenever I acknowledge him. He blushes and smiles and gets all fidgety when I look at him. It's like I'm his second grade crush or something. The state of Joe's mental health is something I am not sure of and before you think he's creepy he's not. Well, there's a possibility that he is but that's not how I see it. It's refreshing. He doesn't cross any lines. He always tries to impress me, coming up with a new answer to the question "how are you doing" every time he sees me. Last night it was "oh I'm just a kid with a dream." I like think it makes his day when he can get a laugh out of me. Maybe I'm reading it all wrong but maybe it's just nice to have a guy not hide how he feels about me. All I'm saying is that it's nice to know there may still be guys out there that will let their feelings show. It's innocent and maybe even vulnerable but that is a refreshing thing to see from a guy.
My favorite is when customers asks me for permission to go do something. It's like once they have committed to my check out line I AM THEIR lORD. "can I run go get something I forgot the mayo?" It's like, what can I POSSIBLY say? My verbal response? "I can't stop you" my mental response is what I really feel "ugh you chump you better be back by the time your items reach the front of the belt or ima be MAD." Because honestly peoples, if I said "no" you all would just laugh at my funny joke and go any ways.
My other favorite is the broad spectrum of questions I'm supposed to know the answers to. Because as an employee of this grocery store I am certainly not human but I am indeed a robot who can process correct price differences at the drop of a hat, know all the employees schedules by heart, know the price of every product in the entire store, and also know the exact date and times of all the truck deliveries, and what specifically is in those trucks. I want to say: "Miss, do you ever see me leave this check stand? No, I'm in the check stand for literally eight hours a day and never really go any where else in the store. Except the break room, and the bathroom. If you would like to know where those are I would be happy to direct you, and while I may be a lord over this check stand right now I am not omnipotent." Here's the kicker though, if I don't provide a satisfactory answer, 9 out of 10 times they just STAND THERE LOOKING AT ME. When this happens I have to have a plan of attack which I have yet to formulate. maybe I should STOP whatever it is I am doing (which is checking, ALWAYS checking), point my entire body towards them, and give them cross eyes until they walk away. What will this accomplish? NOTHING! But it will give me and probably some of my coworkers a good laugh.
Now sharing time is over and it's time for you to take some advice, because we all shop.
1. 15 items or less. Please don't come through the express line with 16 items, or 30, if you're so far deceived. And believe me, plenty of people are so far deceived. Ideally, you'd come through express with three items tops, as that is all there is room for in the express lane. Stupid express lane. I don't like it. I say it's because it's too small for my wingspan (tall girl reference) but really it's because chumps come through with too many items. So please, 15 items, and ideally, much less.
2. You know those nice hand baskets the store provides for your shopping convenience? Well, just because it's small enough to fit on the belt doesn't excuse you from UNLOADING IT YOURSELF. If some shopper with a full sized cart full of groceries rolled through and expected me to unload it AND check all the items you'd think them a little absurd wouldn't you? Well, if you don't where I am going with this then you probably leave your items in the basket. Shame on you.
3. It's really uncanny the number of customers that forget their wallets. To me, that's a little bit like walking out the door and going to work without your pants on. I mean seriously. I wish I was joking when I tell you all that the other day I had three customers in the span of a half hour forget their wallets. If you forget your wallet then you're the worst. Please don't forget that YOU must be the one to provide payment for YOUR food at the time YOU chose to enter my line. Please just put your pants on - I mean, remember your wallet.
That's all for now - take it or leave it, what do I know anyways - I work at a grocery store.
* disclaimer: I really like my job. Like I tell all my customers: I like it because I get to talk to a hundred people a day and each one of them has no choice but to listen to me. On the real though, even if it's not what I see myself doing for the next ten years it has really helped me to knock out my student loans, which at this date are CLOSE to being paid off, ALL PRAISE TO GOD with His great love and mercy.
I work at a grocery store.
It's a small grocery store, so I have my regulars, as would be expected in a town as small as mine. These are some customers worth discussing.
I have that customer who is very verbal and awkward with his obsession with my hair. The first comment was borderline. He tells me what nice hair I have and I say "thanks it's kind of a mess because I just washed it and threw it up in a pony." He then unfortunately chose to continue "it would probably look fine even when I had just woken up." and THEN he says "It would probably look good even after you've rolled around in the mud." Thus ended the first regrettable conversation. If that was not a border crossing than this next one surely crossed the border like [insert stereotypical politically charged reference here]. No joke, here it is, you ready? And I quote "If you weren't so young and beautiful I'd say lets scalp you and mount your hair up as a wall piece." I timidly explain that I normally try to distance myself from scalping activity, because WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY? WHERE COULD I POSSIBLY GO WITH THAT STATEMENT OR EVEN RESPOND??? Praise the Lord that the transaction went quickly and I was rid of him but not before he muttered "it wouldn't hurt that much" Luckily this customer really doesn't come through too often, at least on my shift, but he is unfortunately memorable.
I have a few homeless men and women who frequent my store. The man I am going to tell you about I will refer to as Joe (guys his name is not Joe). Joe has a crush on me. Joe comes into the store a few times every day, sometimes going through my line, sometimes not. Joe is probably in his late thirties. Joe gets bashful whenever I acknowledge him. He blushes and smiles and gets all fidgety when I look at him. It's like I'm his second grade crush or something. The state of Joe's mental health is something I am not sure of and before you think he's creepy he's not. Well, there's a possibility that he is but that's not how I see it. It's refreshing. He doesn't cross any lines. He always tries to impress me, coming up with a new answer to the question "how are you doing" every time he sees me. Last night it was "oh I'm just a kid with a dream." I like think it makes his day when he can get a laugh out of me. Maybe I'm reading it all wrong but maybe it's just nice to have a guy not hide how he feels about me. All I'm saying is that it's nice to know there may still be guys out there that will let their feelings show. It's innocent and maybe even vulnerable but that is a refreshing thing to see from a guy.
My favorite is when customers asks me for permission to go do something. It's like once they have committed to my check out line I AM THEIR lORD. "can I run go get something I forgot the mayo?" It's like, what can I POSSIBLY say? My verbal response? "I can't stop you" my mental response is what I really feel "ugh you chump you better be back by the time your items reach the front of the belt or ima be MAD." Because honestly peoples, if I said "no" you all would just laugh at my funny joke and go any ways.
My other favorite is the broad spectrum of questions I'm supposed to know the answers to. Because as an employee of this grocery store I am certainly not human but I am indeed a robot who can process correct price differences at the drop of a hat, know all the employees schedules by heart, know the price of every product in the entire store, and also know the exact date and times of all the truck deliveries, and what specifically is in those trucks. I want to say: "Miss, do you ever see me leave this check stand? No, I'm in the check stand for literally eight hours a day and never really go any where else in the store. Except the break room, and the bathroom. If you would like to know where those are I would be happy to direct you, and while I may be a lord over this check stand right now I am not omnipotent." Here's the kicker though, if I don't provide a satisfactory answer, 9 out of 10 times they just STAND THERE LOOKING AT ME. When this happens I have to have a plan of attack which I have yet to formulate. maybe I should STOP whatever it is I am doing (which is checking, ALWAYS checking), point my entire body towards them, and give them cross eyes until they walk away. What will this accomplish? NOTHING! But it will give me and probably some of my coworkers a good laugh.
Now sharing time is over and it's time for you to take some advice, because we all shop.
1. 15 items or less. Please don't come through the express line with 16 items, or 30, if you're so far deceived. And believe me, plenty of people are so far deceived. Ideally, you'd come through express with three items tops, as that is all there is room for in the express lane. Stupid express lane. I don't like it. I say it's because it's too small for my wingspan (tall girl reference) but really it's because chumps come through with too many items. So please, 15 items, and ideally, much less.
2. You know those nice hand baskets the store provides for your shopping convenience? Well, just because it's small enough to fit on the belt doesn't excuse you from UNLOADING IT YOURSELF. If some shopper with a full sized cart full of groceries rolled through and expected me to unload it AND check all the items you'd think them a little absurd wouldn't you? Well, if you don't where I am going with this then you probably leave your items in the basket. Shame on you.
3. It's really uncanny the number of customers that forget their wallets. To me, that's a little bit like walking out the door and going to work without your pants on. I mean seriously. I wish I was joking when I tell you all that the other day I had three customers in the span of a half hour forget their wallets. If you forget your wallet then you're the worst. Please don't forget that YOU must be the one to provide payment for YOUR food at the time YOU chose to enter my line. Please just put your pants on - I mean, remember your wallet.
That's all for now - take it or leave it, what do I know anyways - I work at a grocery store.
* disclaimer: I really like my job. Like I tell all my customers: I like it because I get to talk to a hundred people a day and each one of them has no choice but to listen to me. On the real though, even if it's not what I see myself doing for the next ten years it has really helped me to knock out my student loans, which at this date are CLOSE to being paid off, ALL PRAISE TO GOD with His great love and mercy.
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