This time last year.

If I had written this a month earlier than I could say that this time last year I had absolutely no idea how many changes would come over the span of a year, but at this point last year, I knew my life was going to change, and I was gearing up for it. I was preparing for it as much as you can prepare for life, because that's the nature of life, it just kinda comes at you.

this is me from July 21, 2010, on Lake Siskiyou, perfectly clueless that in exactly one year, I was going to be saying goodbye to the Pacifican way of life that I had known for so long. 

My sister would call me a "winner" in this picture

July 21, this is the day that my family and I, along with our closest friends, went to our favorite restaurant in San Francisco for the last time. July 21 was the day before we left on our last family vacation to our favorite vacation spot in the world, Lake Siskiyou. This means that July 21 was our last day in our house.  This time last year was my last day living in Pacifica. It was the last few sentences on the last page of the 14 year chapter in my life story. 


This post is going to be a reflection. This post is not going to have much, if any thing about GUYS, as my song of the month is indeed John Mayer's "Perfectly Lonely."


I remember thinking last year, how excited I was for this opportunity we (my family and I) were going to get to see God's faithfulness shine through. And my oh my, has it ever. He's brought so many people in my life at just the right time. And yes, my entire [immediate] family lives in Africa. However, I have been blessed enough to be born into a big fat European family (no one in our family is fat, this is just me playing off of the popular film "My big fat Greek wedding", in case you didn't catch that), who have been there ANYTIME I needed them. 


Whereas my Florida family cannot physically be there for me, I know they are just a phone call away, waiting with willing ears and lots of wisdom to help me through.


 My California family is the reason I am still physically alive. My mom's side of the family, her parents, brother, and sisters have fed me, clothed me, and given me shelter (my aunt mo and uncle t are the most amazing cooks that you will ever hope to meet, so if I really am an "orphan of Africa", I am the most well-fed one there is). 


The government of California has come through for me each year as far as college goes, so no complaints there. It pays to be poor peoples...


I must not leave out friends close enough to be family, who are also conveniently located all over California, who have all let me know that I am more than welcome whenever I need a place to stay. (Some of them are maybe wishing I wouldn't take them up on their generosity so much. Just kidding! Because that's just it - they are NOT wishing this at all)


God is so good. He has used people as His hands and feet and I am so thankful for all the people He has put in my life.


Let's talk (actually, you just sit there and read my blatherings) for a minute about independence. This time last year, I was like a poorly behaved dog on a leash who had just spotted another poorly behaved dog on a leash and they literally thought they were going to die if they did not get a chance to sniff one another's butts. It's possible that this simile got away from me a bit...
Moving on. 


I could not wait to be independent. I could not wait to be a free spirit. 
What I didn't realize it that I have ALWAYS been a free spirit. 
Free spirit has to do with the mind and who I am personality-wise. My spirit has forever been independent, just as my parents. My mum likes to add the word "fiercely" in front of "independent", when she describes the kind of person I am. 


It's taken me a full year to realize that the level of "independence" I seek is for the financially accomplished. Of course, living out from under my parents roof, I do experience a certain level of independence. Meaning that I can not spend money if I am not making it, because mommy and daddy are not there to open their wallets. 


They are also not there for a shoulder to cry on, or to wrap me up in a hug when it turns out some guy I thought fancied me doesn't even like me (oops, sorry, I mentioned a GUY). And if I happen to have a crisis between 2pm and 12am MY TIME, I can't even call them on the phone because of the blasted time difference.


Why do I make such a monstrous issue out of my independence. After all, every 20 something year old goes through the same thing, right? Right! So quit all my blah blah blah right? No, you are reading my blog, so I can write about what ever I want. 


I like to think that I am different (remember: free spirit?) . I suppose when you boil it down, I'm not in that much a different situation than my peers. The difference I see is that my transition from family living (parents, my own bed, a place to call "home") to NOT - happened very suddenly. I would also add that it happened before I was ready but God does not give us anything we can not handle. And so I am humbled that He believes I can handle it, which I AM handling it, along with an army of supporters.  Because, as I ALWAYS say, "Lord KNOWS I could not get through this alone" 


This time NEXT year I will be a college graduate, and LORD only knows WHERE I will be and how much money I will NOT be making, and whether or not I will be truly "on my own", and have the kind of independence I have wanted for a long time, true self sufficiency, financially. 


If it seems like I am trying hard to convince the world that I can make it on my own, it's because I am. "It is what it is, and that's how it's gon be, till I get there" to quote the great Lupe Fiasco (THAT'S the motto, Mr Drake, well so is "go big or go home" <-- a reference to both my height and my loud personality. Also, "all or nothing". Can't pick just one favourite)


Everyday is a learning experience and I thank God for the chance to live this life, even if it feels like sometimes I'm just fumbling along in my journey towards all He may have for me.