There are some things that I have really been wanting to share. I've been spending some time recently with a friend who gets paid to blog, so I was naturally a little intimidated and hesitant to post another entry, but here it goes!
First Topic:
God: outside of the Christian school context.
It may not come to a shock to everyone that the summer marks my very first time living off of a Christian school campus. Until that fateful day in August 2011 when my family moved to Africa, I had never EVER not lived on campus of the school I attended. For the first time in my life, I truly feel like I can chose what defines me. I have put myself in a situation, however temporary it may be, where I can find who I am and how I spend my time. Let me just tell you a little something as a side note: I love being independent, and I'm going to ride that wave however long it may last! Anyways....
So far I'm being pulled toward the idea that life is about service (I'll touch on that later), I think that comes from the life of Jesus? I don't know if you all have heard of him but he's the best. Recently I have been receiving so much clarity about my relationship with Him. Everything I have heard my entire life is slowly sifting and forming the true with out the false.
It should come to no surprise to any of you that have been "following" me for a while that I struggle with this thing called pride. I am supposedly in a relationship with this Jesus who takes me for who I am, flaws and all. This is what I have heard my whole life. It has been so difficult for me to actually accept this because I felt so useless in the situation. It's true though, I'm human, without Jesus and His love, I am useless, hopeless, and lost. I know the Father only accepts what is blameless. In his eyes though, we ARE indeed blameless. That's the cross! Hello 8 year olds sunday school! I know all of this is so basic "christianity" but really it's what life is all about. All this crap about "trying to live a perfect life" or "do your best not to sin." Or what was popular in my childhood was the phrase "Do your part." Any effort is irrelevant when you realize that kind of grace we have really recieved in Christ. If you are someone who TRULY understands how much Jesus loves EVERYONE then you are TRULY free, because our very lives will reflect that. I'm trying hard to get through this to you, reader! It's the "dead faith" idea James of the Bible talked about. Faith without works is dead. Faith without works is not. I don't even want to use the term "works" because that's like a buzz word within Christian communities. Nor do I want to say that works is a natural outpouring of faith because that makes it sound like it's a step 1 then step 2 deal. But it's not! Think for one second all it is that Christ has done and your life will be spent loving others in the same way. Be real people! Christ loved us by giving us grace. Grace is love. Love is serving. And we all know you can not be prideful and truly be serving other. Problemo numero uno para Maria. Pray for me as I struggle. I know I have been called to a life of service, but I need to learn service through humility. Humility hurts and it is tough for me not to get that feeling in my heart of superiority (pride) when I am serving. I can SAY that I know I am no better than the people I am serving but SAYING it out loud and FEELING it in your heart are two very different things. If I do all these things, but have not loved, I have gained nothing. (sound familiar, sunday schoolers?) So, yes, I am serving, but I can't say it's 100% from a heart of love. I don't know what this path to humble service is going to look like, but I figured it's better to get on that path by being in service than to be avoiding that context all together. I know I am serving for a reason. Like I said before, humility is a tough lesson to learn, and I can feel it creeping in. Pray for me.
Well that was a long one, wasn't it? and I'm still going! Lucky you!
Second Topic:
20-something life: newsflash: I'M SINGLE. prepare yourself for the music references now: I think you should think you should know that I am listening to Taylor Swift when I write this next part. So when I was thinking about this blog I saw myself as a two sided tape. For all of you born in the 70's, stop being dramatic right now. I was born in '91, of course I know what a tape is. Cheekyness over...
Side #1:
I love being single! Being single is the business! I get to do whatever I want when I want to do it, and here's the kicker, I don't have to tell anyone!! I've been single my whole life and I have no idea what being a girlfriend looks like. Heck, I've never even been on one date!! Boys are stupid, no pursuing ever takes place anymore, and he would just tie me down. Because this is my view on boys, I would just make the one that happened to fall into my life absolutlely miserable, because i would doubt his sincerity every step of the way, on account that in my almost 22 years of life, no guy I have had feelings for has ever reciprocated, so I think if I saw that I'd probably be too freaked out to know what to do about it! And then I think, well maybe I'm just not DOING it right. That maybe the right guy has come and gone and I was just shut down, as I tend to be with guys I realize I "like like." Paul was single. Singles have a much less complicated life and effectiveness in the Kingdom is untarnished. And I'm done waiting. I'm not a lady in waiting I'm a lady living. If my man is out there he will find me and fight for me. you hear that chumps? FIGHT for your woman.
Side #2
Being single sucks. If my friends aren't married they are engaged, and if they aren't engaged they have a boyfriend, and if they don't have a boy friend they are dating the scum of the earth. I'm not getting any farther away from the age where the only single guys left are a bunch of desperate social outcasts with masculinity issues. I hate being a third wheel. I've realized many of my friends think third wheeling can be avoided. But to me, a third wheel is someone who is spending time with a couple. It's not a certain situation the couple puts you in or not, it just is. If you're hanging out with a couple, and it's just you three, you're a third wheel, regardless of how they make you feel. At least that is my definition. All this to say that single friends are getting tougher and tougher to come by, so I guess I better buck up! Companionship is something that everyone craves. Someone that knows you inside and outside. Someone who just plain GETS you, is so special and could make life so much easier, knowing that someone is always there. There is no denying that when you see two people together, you just know that they were meant to be by the way they look at each other, by the way they interact. To have that relationship with someone where you don't even have to say anything. To have someone that is not there to judge you but to love you, someone to be your best friend and who you can trust completely is something I long for so much! Not to mention I really do want to make BEAUTIFUL biracial angel children. (side note: you can ask me about my thing for redheads later if you'd like: It's called a spectrum peoples, and let's just say I'm pretty extreme when it comes to types)
Well this is the longest blog I've written in a while. If you are reading this, please comment, or somehow let me know you read this and also your thoughts would be great. Because if I'm not the only crazy person that thinks this way I would love to know!
TTFN!
First Topic:
God: outside of the Christian school context.
It may not come to a shock to everyone that the summer marks my very first time living off of a Christian school campus. Until that fateful day in August 2011 when my family moved to Africa, I had never EVER not lived on campus of the school I attended. For the first time in my life, I truly feel like I can chose what defines me. I have put myself in a situation, however temporary it may be, where I can find who I am and how I spend my time. Let me just tell you a little something as a side note: I love being independent, and I'm going to ride that wave however long it may last! Anyways....
So far I'm being pulled toward the idea that life is about service (I'll touch on that later), I think that comes from the life of Jesus? I don't know if you all have heard of him but he's the best. Recently I have been receiving so much clarity about my relationship with Him. Everything I have heard my entire life is slowly sifting and forming the true with out the false.
It should come to no surprise to any of you that have been "following" me for a while that I struggle with this thing called pride. I am supposedly in a relationship with this Jesus who takes me for who I am, flaws and all. This is what I have heard my whole life. It has been so difficult for me to actually accept this because I felt so useless in the situation. It's true though, I'm human, without Jesus and His love, I am useless, hopeless, and lost. I know the Father only accepts what is blameless. In his eyes though, we ARE indeed blameless. That's the cross! Hello 8 year olds sunday school! I know all of this is so basic "christianity" but really it's what life is all about. All this crap about "trying to live a perfect life" or "do your best not to sin." Or what was popular in my childhood was the phrase "Do your part." Any effort is irrelevant when you realize that kind of grace we have really recieved in Christ. If you are someone who TRULY understands how much Jesus loves EVERYONE then you are TRULY free, because our very lives will reflect that. I'm trying hard to get through this to you, reader! It's the "dead faith" idea James of the Bible talked about. Faith without works is dead. Faith without works is not. I don't even want to use the term "works" because that's like a buzz word within Christian communities. Nor do I want to say that works is a natural outpouring of faith because that makes it sound like it's a step 1 then step 2 deal. But it's not! Think for one second all it is that Christ has done and your life will be spent loving others in the same way. Be real people! Christ loved us by giving us grace. Grace is love. Love is serving. And we all know you can not be prideful and truly be serving other. Problemo numero uno para Maria. Pray for me as I struggle. I know I have been called to a life of service, but I need to learn service through humility. Humility hurts and it is tough for me not to get that feeling in my heart of superiority (pride) when I am serving. I can SAY that I know I am no better than the people I am serving but SAYING it out loud and FEELING it in your heart are two very different things. If I do all these things, but have not loved, I have gained nothing. (sound familiar, sunday schoolers?) So, yes, I am serving, but I can't say it's 100% from a heart of love. I don't know what this path to humble service is going to look like, but I figured it's better to get on that path by being in service than to be avoiding that context all together. I know I am serving for a reason. Like I said before, humility is a tough lesson to learn, and I can feel it creeping in. Pray for me.
Well that was a long one, wasn't it? and I'm still going! Lucky you!
Second Topic:
20-something life: newsflash: I'M SINGLE. prepare yourself for the music references now: I think you should think you should know that I am listening to Taylor Swift when I write this next part. So when I was thinking about this blog I saw myself as a two sided tape. For all of you born in the 70's, stop being dramatic right now. I was born in '91, of course I know what a tape is. Cheekyness over...
Side #1:
I love being single! Being single is the business! I get to do whatever I want when I want to do it, and here's the kicker, I don't have to tell anyone!! I've been single my whole life and I have no idea what being a girlfriend looks like. Heck, I've never even been on one date!! Boys are stupid, no pursuing ever takes place anymore, and he would just tie me down. Because this is my view on boys, I would just make the one that happened to fall into my life absolutlely miserable, because i would doubt his sincerity every step of the way, on account that in my almost 22 years of life, no guy I have had feelings for has ever reciprocated, so I think if I saw that I'd probably be too freaked out to know what to do about it! And then I think, well maybe I'm just not DOING it right. That maybe the right guy has come and gone and I was just shut down, as I tend to be with guys I realize I "like like." Paul was single. Singles have a much less complicated life and effectiveness in the Kingdom is untarnished. And I'm done waiting. I'm not a lady in waiting I'm a lady living. If my man is out there he will find me and fight for me. you hear that chumps? FIGHT for your woman.
Side #2
Being single sucks. If my friends aren't married they are engaged, and if they aren't engaged they have a boyfriend, and if they don't have a boy friend they are dating the scum of the earth. I'm not getting any farther away from the age where the only single guys left are a bunch of desperate social outcasts with masculinity issues. I hate being a third wheel. I've realized many of my friends think third wheeling can be avoided. But to me, a third wheel is someone who is spending time with a couple. It's not a certain situation the couple puts you in or not, it just is. If you're hanging out with a couple, and it's just you three, you're a third wheel, regardless of how they make you feel. At least that is my definition. All this to say that single friends are getting tougher and tougher to come by, so I guess I better buck up! Companionship is something that everyone craves. Someone that knows you inside and outside. Someone who just plain GETS you, is so special and could make life so much easier, knowing that someone is always there. There is no denying that when you see two people together, you just know that they were meant to be by the way they look at each other, by the way they interact. To have that relationship with someone where you don't even have to say anything. To have someone that is not there to judge you but to love you, someone to be your best friend and who you can trust completely is something I long for so much! Not to mention I really do want to make BEAUTIFUL biracial angel children. (side note: you can ask me about my thing for redheads later if you'd like: It's called a spectrum peoples, and let's just say I'm pretty extreme when it comes to types)
Well this is the longest blog I've written in a while. If you are reading this, please comment, or somehow let me know you read this and also your thoughts would be great. Because if I'm not the only crazy person that thinks this way I would love to know!
TTFN!
Really well done Riah! Someone should pay you.
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