Training Ground

Since I feel like I really have something here, I do see this blog as a training ground for my message to the world. I can run tests on this page.
It's hopeless. I ruin any kind of relationship I have with a guy I may like straight into the ground. When I say "like," I mean "like" yes, THAT kind of "like." What I am saying is that at a certain point, something clicks, in the worst sense of the word. It must be a point that I am unaware of something I have said. It always comes around the dinner table. I know that once I'm at the dinner table with that guy, well, it's going to be the last supper. You'd think that after the third time, I'd shriek and tell them to run away - fast. Or at least you would think I would take on that task myself. But no, I prefer to watch it slip out of my reach. And it falls hard. I have yet to know why. Self awareness fail.
This leads me back up to the top. "It's hopeless." The term "hopeless" implies that there was once hope for SOMETHING. What is this thing that there was apparently "hope" for? The truth is nothing. The more accepted theory is that that SOMETHING is really not a THING at all but a someONE. Speaking from inside this Christianese bubble I've been raised in my whole life, us Christian girls are told things such as:
"it's worth the wait" or
"you should become so lost in God that a man has to find God if he wants to find you"or my personal favorite (note: the sarcasm):
"there is someone out there for everyone"
Let's just look at these three shall we?

"wait"is a word implies something waiting for. What is it that you are waiting for? Is "it" the inevitable knight in shining armor? Us girls are taught to be in a period of waiting, thus is our mindset. We wait.

as for the second quote: ......what. the..... I hate the entire wording of this catch phrase. It just makes me want to barf. I understand the concept behind it but, really? Whoever came up with this needs to go dig a hole where no one but God could see her face, and then see if her man "finds" her. "Find" implies "search," as if there is this one guy out there "looking just for you." It's a nice idea, but some of the greatest women in the history of the world accomplished moving mountains with no man at her side.

The last quote leads me to the bulk of my proposition. I will rebuttal simply and swiftly. There is NOT someone out there for EVERYONE. Your soulmate is not canvassing the globe to find you- his perfect match. Many people live and die single. Many people live single, marry, and die having found their soulmate. As a young Christian woman I am told that this is ideal. I would argue that the first is ideal. (Look at Paul) Further more, many many many many many people  can't survive single, marry, divorce, and repeat. It's sickening. I think the loudest problem is the divorce rate these days, which is just as high with Christians as it is in "secular" society. I think the REAL problem, however, begins when Sally first realizes that Johnny is not just a person, but a boy. Sally attends a Christian school, goes to church at least once a week, and has bible principles instilled in her before she knew how to count to ten. All good things. When Sally notices Johnny she will be told the three things I mentioned above. The ship has sunk before it's even sailed. Sally needs to be told that Johnny's life belongs to God. Sally needs to be told that her life belongs to God. Sally needs to be fostered in a community of people that love the Lord and care for each other. Sally needs to be told NOT to wait for Johnny, but to live her own full life, with her FAMILY at her side. Sally needs to be told that God is the SOLE author of a man loving a woman, if it were indeed in His will for this to happen. Matters of the heart, in whatever aspect, are for God to deal with. I've heard the phrase "give God the pen to your love story." Who puts the pen in our hands in the first place? Our mothers do by telling us to wait. Our fathers do with all their "someday when...." stories. Our pastors do by pounding our head full of Proverbs 31. Our pen is not ours to give to God, the pen always has and always will be God's! This idea spills out into every area of our lives. What I am asking is one of the hardest things to do. In a society where you can not turn on the television without having sex shoved down your throat, I would say it's near impossible.
That is why what I am called to share is so radical. The term "wait" and "hope"and "when" need to be thrown out when talking about relationships with the opposite sex. We need to replace these words with "continue" and "if." Ya, and hope needs to be kept to Christ. The minute we stop "waiting" is the same minute we free ourselves of the misery that comes with "searching" for someone whom will not even exist until God allows for it.

that's enough for now. Yes, there is more, but not now.

Life and Love

My life is so blessed. God has brought me struggles but He has brought me through, and I know it ain't over. God has blessed me immeasurably with so many things. When my immediate family left the country, God sent in the auxiliary, where four left, countless others rushed in. I have so many loving family members. So many people God has brought into my life that truly love me and want the best for my life. This is the way that God wants it to be. Love others and love God. I only wish I could show others how much I appreciate them loving me. My life has been radically changed, but the love of my God has remained steady. Thank you to all who have loved me, always.

Late Night Thoughts

it is late but my brain is stuffy so I have to get some thoughts out. 

Keep an open mind to what God may have for your life

God knows best; He's got you covered

Being confident in who I am as a person needs to come from confidence of who I am in Him, because that is who He made me

The past can not be changed, make the future better

Time and experience go hand in hand. It is only in time that you learn and grow. Sometimes, time is the toughest thing to wait for

Dance like no one is watching, or, if you are like me, dance like everyone is watching, because they are

Those things in life that are worth having are never easy to come by

Start of Christmas Season

Halloween is over, the days of Penny Pingleton are done. However, my dreaming of one day being a checkerboard chick are long from over. Halloween is over, which means that I have began listening to Christmas music. Two months of Christmas tunes? This is a good thing.
Thanksgiving. Christmas, the time to bundle up and cuddle up. Let us first look at this concept of bundling up. Northern Cali, it knew. As I stepped out this morning into the campus sized freezer, I almost fell back (which would have been mortifying, seeing as I got six feet to fall, and my pack was quite heavy which means that I probably would not have been able to return to my feet after I "turtled")! Bundling up is a necessity in a time like these. For a gal with such little hands, gloves are a necessity. For gloves, I have two options. I have a pair of black gloves, with three neon coloured stripes across the middle. Or, on those days that I am feeling extra bold, I have a pair of solid pink gloves. The kind of pink that makes bystanders say "WOAH she REALLY SUPPORTS the cure for breast cancer!" Bundling up is fun, it makes the twenty pounds gained in November look like forty pounds! Always good!
Cuddling up. Oh here comes the critical side of me. Couples come out in full force PDA during the chilly seasons. Call it what you will. Cupcaking. Canoodling. Snuggling. Whatever your word choice when describing significant other rendezvous in public, its annoying. Couples take fall and winter as an opportunity to "warm" each other, as if all of a sudden the presence of "someone special" renders big overcoats and gloves totally worthless.
There are many other things that the Christmas season brings, but it's still super early, so there will surely be more to come. Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks should be fun, seeing as I'm not completely sure of what I am doing or where I am going. Well, all in God's time and plan.