When I ran off to get my four year degree right out of high school, I knew that I would learn a few things while I was here.
One thing I gained is perspective. Sure, some say that my school is a bubble (no arguments there). Be that as it may, it still brought me out of the bubble that I used to live in.
Time and distance has granted me the perspective to see my life the way it was in a brighter, more accurate light. Separation is great like that.
Perspective. If you have ever said "If only I knew what I know now back then!" then you have literally FELT perspective. This is something I find myself saying about my high school years ALL THE TIME.
Perspective is what has allowed me to shake my head, but also move on. I can not keep beating myself up for what I did when I was living in ignorance.
I am not claiming now that I am all knowing, no way. The fact that I have just begun to understand the value to perspective shows me that I have quite the journey ahead of me.
When I returned for my first summer, I thought my life had ended. It had.
That pivotal moment in my life (yes, I am both blessed and unfortunate enough to be able to pinpoint a single incident in my past) when I realized my life would never be the same. I had changed my own life by choosing to leave the bubble.
It was a long painful process of me learning that my new life had begun, and that "those" years were now just a chapter already written. Those that stuck with me through the gruesome process, I thank you.
It has been an even longer process realizing that the past is not to be longed for. It's an on-going process for me not to scorn those still in the bubble. I call it being stuck.
This, however, MAY not be the case.
It's not necessarily wrong for those in my old bubble to remain in that bubble. Just because I have left the bubble does not mean that they should too.
The truth is that God has different plan for everyones life, and His plans all have their own unique timing.
Hmmm....
This leads me to the idea of "bubbles". I have always been in a bubble. I think God made us to be in bubbles. I think God created us with a desire to belong.
That being said, I think that there are good bubbles and not so good bubbles. Obviously, a gang is a type of bubble. Obviously, not good. A community of underground believers are in a bubble. Good bubble.
Too much of anything is bad (for most everything).
You've all heard it, so here it is: if you know not what life is like outside of "your" bubble, you're living in a state of ignorance, and yes, it's wrong, and yes, it's your own fault.
if you have not grown as a person in the last, let's say, 2.5 years, then you're wrong, and yes, it's your own fault.
Know that life is a gift from God, and it is a gift not meant to be stagnant or squandered. Do not waste your life.
For the record, this isn't at all what I had in mind blogging about tonight, but I hope you enjoy none-the-less. My intended topic may or may not surface in the future.
Goodnight and Godspeed!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Training Ground
Since I feel like I really have something here, I do see this blog as a training ground for my message to the world. I can run tests on this page.
It's hopeless. I ruin any kind of relationship I have with a guy I may like straight into the ground. When I say "like," I mean "like" yes, THAT kind of "like." What I am saying is that at a certain point, something clicks, in the worst sense of the word. It must be a point that I am unaware of something I have said. It always comes around the dinner table. I know that once I'm at the dinner table with that guy, well, it's going to be the last supper. You'd think that after the third time, I'd shriek and tell them to run away - fast. Or at least you would think I would take on that task myself. But no, I prefer to watch it slip out of my reach. And it falls hard. I have yet to know why. Self awareness fail.
This leads me back up to the top. "It's hopeless." The term "hopeless" implies that there was once hope for SOMETHING. What is this thing that there was apparently "hope" for? The truth is nothing. The more accepted theory is that that SOMETHING is really not a THING at all but a someONE. Speaking from inside this Christianese bubble I've been raised in my whole life, us Christian girls are told things such as:
"it's worth the wait" or
"you should become so lost in God that a man has to find God if he wants to find you"or my personal favorite (note: the sarcasm):
"there is someone out there for everyone"
Let's just look at these three shall we?
"wait"is a word implies something waiting for. What is it that you are waiting for? Is "it" the inevitable knight in shining armor? Us girls are taught to be in a period of waiting, thus is our mindset. We wait.
as for the second quote: ......what. the..... I hate the entire wording of this catch phrase. It just makes me want to barf. I understand the concept behind it but, really? Whoever came up with this needs to go dig a hole where no one but God could see her face, and then see if her man "finds" her. "Find" implies "search," as if there is this one guy out there "looking just for you." It's a nice idea, but some of the greatest women in the history of the world accomplished moving mountains with no man at her side.
The last quote leads me to the bulk of my proposition. I will rebuttal simply and swiftly. There is NOT someone out there for EVERYONE. Your soulmate is not canvassing the globe to find you- his perfect match. Many people live and die single. Many people live single, marry, and die having found their soulmate. As a young Christian woman I am told that this is ideal. I would argue that the first is ideal. (Look at Paul) Further more, many many many many many people can't survive single, marry, divorce, and repeat. It's sickening. I think the loudest problem is the divorce rate these days, which is just as high with Christians as it is in "secular" society. I think the REAL problem, however, begins when Sally first realizes that Johnny is not just a person, but a boy. Sally attends a Christian school, goes to church at least once a week, and has bible principles instilled in her before she knew how to count to ten. All good things. When Sally notices Johnny she will be told the three things I mentioned above. The ship has sunk before it's even sailed. Sally needs to be told that Johnny's life belongs to God. Sally needs to be told that her life belongs to God. Sally needs to be fostered in a community of people that love the Lord and care for each other. Sally needs to be told NOT to wait for Johnny, but to live her own full life, with her FAMILY at her side. Sally needs to be told that God is the SOLE author of a man loving a woman, if it were indeed in His will for this to happen. Matters of the heart, in whatever aspect, are for God to deal with. I've heard the phrase "give God the pen to your love story." Who puts the pen in our hands in the first place? Our mothers do by telling us to wait. Our fathers do with all their "someday when...." stories. Our pastors do by pounding our head full of Proverbs 31. Our pen is not ours to give to God, the pen always has and always will be God's! This idea spills out into every area of our lives. What I am asking is one of the hardest things to do. In a society where you can not turn on the television without having sex shoved down your throat, I would say it's near impossible.
That is why what I am called to share is so radical. The term "wait" and "hope"and "when" need to be thrown out when talking about relationships with the opposite sex. We need to replace these words with "continue" and "if." Ya, and hope needs to be kept to Christ. The minute we stop "waiting" is the same minute we free ourselves of the misery that comes with "searching" for someone whom will not even exist until God allows for it.
that's enough for now. Yes, there is more, but not now.
It's hopeless. I ruin any kind of relationship I have with a guy I may like straight into the ground. When I say "like," I mean "like" yes, THAT kind of "like." What I am saying is that at a certain point, something clicks, in the worst sense of the word. It must be a point that I am unaware of something I have said. It always comes around the dinner table. I know that once I'm at the dinner table with that guy, well, it's going to be the last supper. You'd think that after the third time, I'd shriek and tell them to run away - fast. Or at least you would think I would take on that task myself. But no, I prefer to watch it slip out of my reach. And it falls hard. I have yet to know why. Self awareness fail.
This leads me back up to the top. "It's hopeless." The term "hopeless" implies that there was once hope for SOMETHING. What is this thing that there was apparently "hope" for? The truth is nothing. The more accepted theory is that that SOMETHING is really not a THING at all but a someONE. Speaking from inside this Christianese bubble I've been raised in my whole life, us Christian girls are told things such as:
"it's worth the wait" or
"you should become so lost in God that a man has to find God if he wants to find you"or my personal favorite (note: the sarcasm):
"there is someone out there for everyone"
Let's just look at these three shall we?
"wait"is a word implies something waiting for. What is it that you are waiting for? Is "it" the inevitable knight in shining armor? Us girls are taught to be in a period of waiting, thus is our mindset. We wait.
as for the second quote: ......what. the..... I hate the entire wording of this catch phrase. It just makes me want to barf. I understand the concept behind it but, really? Whoever came up with this needs to go dig a hole where no one but God could see her face, and then see if her man "finds" her. "Find" implies "search," as if there is this one guy out there "looking just for you." It's a nice idea, but some of the greatest women in the history of the world accomplished moving mountains with no man at her side.
The last quote leads me to the bulk of my proposition. I will rebuttal simply and swiftly. There is NOT someone out there for EVERYONE. Your soulmate is not canvassing the globe to find you- his perfect match. Many people live and die single. Many people live single, marry, and die having found their soulmate. As a young Christian woman I am told that this is ideal. I would argue that the first is ideal. (Look at Paul) Further more, many many many many many people can't survive single, marry, divorce, and repeat. It's sickening. I think the loudest problem is the divorce rate these days, which is just as high with Christians as it is in "secular" society. I think the REAL problem, however, begins when Sally first realizes that Johnny is not just a person, but a boy. Sally attends a Christian school, goes to church at least once a week, and has bible principles instilled in her before she knew how to count to ten. All good things. When Sally notices Johnny she will be told the three things I mentioned above. The ship has sunk before it's even sailed. Sally needs to be told that Johnny's life belongs to God. Sally needs to be told that her life belongs to God. Sally needs to be fostered in a community of people that love the Lord and care for each other. Sally needs to be told NOT to wait for Johnny, but to live her own full life, with her FAMILY at her side. Sally needs to be told that God is the SOLE author of a man loving a woman, if it were indeed in His will for this to happen. Matters of the heart, in whatever aspect, are for God to deal with. I've heard the phrase "give God the pen to your love story." Who puts the pen in our hands in the first place? Our mothers do by telling us to wait. Our fathers do with all their "someday when...." stories. Our pastors do by pounding our head full of Proverbs 31. Our pen is not ours to give to God, the pen always has and always will be God's! This idea spills out into every area of our lives. What I am asking is one of the hardest things to do. In a society where you can not turn on the television without having sex shoved down your throat, I would say it's near impossible.
That is why what I am called to share is so radical. The term "wait" and "hope"and "when" need to be thrown out when talking about relationships with the opposite sex. We need to replace these words with "continue" and "if." Ya, and hope needs to be kept to Christ. The minute we stop "waiting" is the same minute we free ourselves of the misery that comes with "searching" for someone whom will not even exist until God allows for it.
that's enough for now. Yes, there is more, but not now.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Life and Love
My life is so blessed. God has brought me struggles but He has brought me through, and I know it ain't over. God has blessed me immeasurably with so many things. When my immediate family left the country, God sent in the auxiliary, where four left, countless others rushed in. I have so many loving family members. So many people God has brought into my life that truly love me and want the best for my life. This is the way that God wants it to be. Love others and love God. I only wish I could show others how much I appreciate them loving me. My life has been radically changed, but the love of my God has remained steady. Thank you to all who have loved me, always.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Late Night Thoughts
it is late but my brain is stuffy so I have to get some thoughts out.
Keep an open mind to what God may have for your life
God knows best; He's got you covered
Being confident in who I am as a person needs to come from confidence of who I am in Him, because that is who He made me
The past can not be changed, make the future better
Time and experience go hand in hand. It is only in time that you learn and grow. Sometimes, time is the toughest thing to wait for
Dance like no one is watching, or, if you are like me, dance like everyone is watching, because they are
Those things in life that are worth having are never easy to come by
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Start of Christmas Season
Halloween is over, the days of Penny Pingleton are done. However, my dreaming of one day being a checkerboard chick are long from over. Halloween is over, which means that I have began listening to Christmas music. Two months of Christmas tunes? This is a good thing.
Thanksgiving. Christmas, the time to bundle up and cuddle up. Let us first look at this concept of bundling up. Northern Cali, it knew. As I stepped out this morning into the campus sized freezer, I almost fell back (which would have been mortifying, seeing as I got six feet to fall, and my pack was quite heavy which means that I probably would not have been able to return to my feet after I "turtled")! Bundling up is a necessity in a time like these. For a gal with such little hands, gloves are a necessity. For gloves, I have two options. I have a pair of black gloves, with three neon coloured stripes across the middle. Or, on those days that I am feeling extra bold, I have a pair of solid pink gloves. The kind of pink that makes bystanders say "WOAH she REALLY SUPPORTS the cure for breast cancer!" Bundling up is fun, it makes the twenty pounds gained in November look like forty pounds! Always good!
Cuddling up. Oh here comes the critical side of me. Couples come out in full force PDA during the chilly seasons. Call it what you will. Cupcaking. Canoodling. Snuggling. Whatever your word choice when describing significant other rendezvous in public, its annoying. Couples take fall and winter as an opportunity to "warm" each other, as if all of a sudden the presence of "someone special" renders big overcoats and gloves totally worthless.
There are many other things that the Christmas season brings, but it's still super early, so there will surely be more to come. Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks should be fun, seeing as I'm not completely sure of what I am doing or where I am going. Well, all in God's time and plan.
Thanksgiving. Christmas, the time to bundle up and cuddle up. Let us first look at this concept of bundling up. Northern Cali, it knew. As I stepped out this morning into the campus sized freezer, I almost fell back (which would have been mortifying, seeing as I got six feet to fall, and my pack was quite heavy which means that I probably would not have been able to return to my feet after I "turtled")! Bundling up is a necessity in a time like these. For a gal with such little hands, gloves are a necessity. For gloves, I have two options. I have a pair of black gloves, with three neon coloured stripes across the middle. Or, on those days that I am feeling extra bold, I have a pair of solid pink gloves. The kind of pink that makes bystanders say "WOAH she REALLY SUPPORTS the cure for breast cancer!" Bundling up is fun, it makes the twenty pounds gained in November look like forty pounds! Always good!
Cuddling up. Oh here comes the critical side of me. Couples come out in full force PDA during the chilly seasons. Call it what you will. Cupcaking. Canoodling. Snuggling. Whatever your word choice when describing significant other rendezvous in public, its annoying. Couples take fall and winter as an opportunity to "warm" each other, as if all of a sudden the presence of "someone special" renders big overcoats and gloves totally worthless.
There are many other things that the Christmas season brings, but it's still super early, so there will surely be more to come. Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks should be fun, seeing as I'm not completely sure of what I am doing or where I am going. Well, all in God's time and plan.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Demolition Derby
In all we all had a good time at the county fair. Y and N wanted to play this game that the fire man had going at their booth for the little kids. You had to run up and down the way carrying water in a bucket from one basin to the other. Whoever filled the empty one up first won. Y would just dump it all over his front in an attempt to get it into the bucket. That was pretty cute. N beat Y by a long shot! I got to dance with N a little. little J.E.P. came to dance to but, of course, she didn't want to look at me. We all felt the huge absence of the Welling family but I think CB and I represented well. It was sad with out my family there but it was nice to be surrounded by extnd family.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Lazy Sunday Afternoon
....no FOOTBALL???
We (by this I will most always mean CB and I, at least until school starts) decided to take half days on fridays, which is a great life choice. We left from work to Ptown, back home. We are pretty much pro bay area rapid transportation riders. sweet deal. We arrived at our old house with the new people in it and spent the afternoon and night with them. The house is crazy and so many people came by, I'd like to say, due to our arrival. In the morning time, I sorely miscalculated how much time it took to walk down to the cafe I was meeting my friend at. She was waiting for a good half hour. I saw her that day and two other friends. One of which I was with when I bought my favourite new pair of overall shorts! My new uniform. This is a short blog but I wanted to let all who reads this that I am alive and kicking.
Today is a nice day. I went to the farmers market and at last learned the name of my infamous bread man. Two more weekends here and that is it.
and that is all.
We (by this I will most always mean CB and I, at least until school starts) decided to take half days on fridays, which is a great life choice. We left from work to Ptown, back home. We are pretty much pro bay area rapid transportation riders. sweet deal. We arrived at our old house with the new people in it and spent the afternoon and night with them. The house is crazy and so many people came by, I'd like to say, due to our arrival. In the morning time, I sorely miscalculated how much time it took to walk down to the cafe I was meeting my friend at. She was waiting for a good half hour. I saw her that day and two other friends. One of which I was with when I bought my favourite new pair of overall shorts! My new uniform. This is a short blog but I wanted to let all who reads this that I am alive and kicking.
Today is a nice day. I went to the farmers market and at last learned the name of my infamous bread man. Two more weekends here and that is it.
and that is all.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
the 9-5
24 hours. That's how long it has been since my family took off on a plane. CB and I were not on that flight. Here is the part where I say "ever since I was born, my family has meant the world to me." False. I had to run off to college for a year, come back, have my heart broken all before I realized that family IS my world. Family BECAME my world. Family truly was all I had. Now they are gone and I have to begin my new life with out them to come "home" (which is an extremely fluid concept for me right now). I praise God for the ingenuity He has given man in inventing Skype. It has changed my life, that's for sure. By this I mean I only wailed half as loud (this majorly embarrassed my dear little sis)at the airport as I would have had we not lived in a world with Skype. After my four favorite people in the entire universe disappeared through the airport security, I hopped in the car with CB and prayed that her tears would just pour out, and not brim in her eyes, thus obstructing the view of the crazy roads we have to drive to get to our August home. Prayers answered. We arrived at our August residence all in one piece, around....oh shucks, I have NO IDEA.
We awoke the next morning [too] bright and [too] early to drive to work. For all of you out there wondering, the work will be exceptionally tedious. For all of you out there wondering, I am going to adore working in that office. The people all seem very lovely and they will all definitely make the 8 hour day go faster. For all of you out there wondering, I work 7:30-3:30, not 9-5. For all of you out there wondering, I do prefer that. Makes me very sleepy in the night time.
As I am falling asleep at the keys, my eyes are shutting but mind is still a whirl. Thinking about how I will miss my family so much over the next however-long-it-is-until-I-get-to-see-thier-darling-faces, even though I know I should try to avoid this very thought and just let the next Skype call excite me. I'm thinking about how my alarm rings too early. BILLY (for you froggy)! I am thinking about how it's only a matter of months before the fat girl inside of me starts showing up on the outside. In other words, I need help thinking of ways to get the butt moving, at least for 60 minutes a day. Just like the NFL is always promoting. The first NFL game is in 4 days and the first Packers game in in 10! At least I think and hope I am right, because I am needing my footzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........
Saturday, July 30, 2011
out with the old and with the NEW
In just two short days life without my parents and two little siblings will begin. A new chapter of life brings about a new blog. Share my journey with me. Here are my struggles and triumphs, my day to day, or week to week, or month to month happenings of my new life chapter, and my occasional blonde moment. Thus begins the chapter of life without four of the most important people in my life near me. The chapter that God is going to write. With a little faith, I can say with confidence that it is going to be a beautiful story.
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